Father's Day Weekend: Belfast and Rockland Goodwills

This is how timely I am with my blog: I am just now getting around to writing about the stuff I found back on Father's day. My wife surprised me that weekend with a trip out to Rockland, ME, complete with an overnight stay in a hotel. While we were out that way, I hit a couple of Goodwills, namely the ones in Belfast and Rockland. 

The Belfast Goodwill, which usually feels like I get to go shopping in that bunker where they hide the magical artifacts in Indiana Jones... was a bit of a disappointment this time around. I waled out of that store with three books and nothing else. The first two books were these two movie novelizations, for Monster House (a classic, awesome Halloween movie, and one of my absolute faves) and the adaptation of "The Return of the Pink Panther" which is a film series I have always had a soft spot for. 

The last thing I found in Belfast was this Gumby Book, which has Gumby and Pokey visiting a book about the Boston Tea Party, and almost being executed as spies. I used to watch the Gumby show on rental VHS as a kid, and it was the beginning of my love for claymation. All three of these books ran me .99 cents. 

For my first (and odds are likely only, due to distance) visit to the Rockland, ME Goodwill, I mostly found a pile of Fotonovel books. These are a kind of bizarre semi-comic-book adaptation of films and TV shows using photos lifted directly from the films in the panels.

So first up we have the adaptation of the Ralph Bakshi Lord of the Rings film, and a Mork and Mindy adaptation! Then Battlestar Galactica (the movie) and Love at First Bite! Some of the better finds in the pile, honestly. I mean, George Hamilton as the most tan Vampire you've ever seen, and the late, great Robin Williams in one of his most famous roles? Yep. I'll take 'em. I want to point out that in some cases these books aren't all "Fotonovel" brand books, but most of them are. The Mork and Mindy book is a "Video Novel" from Pocket Books and the Battlestar book is a "Photo Story" from Berkley Books. 

Next up we have Grease and Heaven Can Wait, followed by the 1978 remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers and Close Encounters. 

Finally, I found ANOTHER Revenge of the Pink Panther adaptation, Fotonovel style. 

I found a handful of fun kids' books out in Rockland as well. A kids' book version of Who Framed Roger Rabbit, and Where's Grandma which is a book that helps children deal with the loss of a grandparent, which is also a scratch-and-sniff book. Horrible. 

Picked up a couple of Little Golden Books, which... eh... not the greatest ones, but I always like Holiday books that I don't already have, and the Bambi book looked cute... so why not.

I always seem to find trades of the Simpsons comics at Goodwill in piles. This is something like the 10th volume I've picked up I think? Someday I've going to sit down with the whole stack and actually read them (then I will probably understand why it is everyone keeps donating them to Goodwill... but hopefully I'll like them). 

The big find of the trip was this grab-bag full of Star Wars Attacktix figures and one lonely dog. 2.99 for the whole thing. I let my boys have most of them... 

Out of the whole bag, these were the three I really wanted. The Greedo and Boba Fett Attactix figures, and the bendy Jake from the McDonald's Happy Meal series that I had been looking for. I really like Greedo as a character and design for some reason, no idea why. Something to do with his visual I guess. He get's his punk-ass shot after about what... 2 minutes of screen time maybe? Regardless, whenever I find a Greedo toy, I get pretty excited. 

There was more stuff that actually came home with me the weekend of Father's Day, but I'll have to get around to blogging about it later. That's all I've got for tonight kids! I'll be back with more Geeky Goodwill Goodies soon enough! Until then, Happy Hunting! 

A Trip to the Big Chicken Barn: Comic Books and Star Wars Figures!

So a couple of months ago the family drove out to Belfast, ME. We do this from time to time. On the way, we always drive past a huge Antique mall on the Bucksport Rd. in Ellsworth called The Big Chicken Barn:



The place is colossal, has two floors, and the entire top floor is filled with books, magazines, and comic books. So I am always dying to look through the contents of the store. Well... I got my chance on this particular trip! And boy did I find a handful of fun stuff! Let's take a look, shall we?

First up, there was a pile of comic books. 18 of them to be exact.

I'm a big Cloak & Dagger fan from way back. I have always loved their concept, their visual as a crime-fighting duo, their duality. I WISH Marvel could make a book with these two as the stars work. Until then, I will settle for digging through old dusty back-issue boxes in places like the Big Chicken Barn.

I found a bunch more Power Pack issues to compliment the ones I found at Goodwill last year. I find this title really interesting too. It would never work nowadays. The idea of little children placing themselves in the kind of peril that Power Pack did in this series would just never fly. Some of the stories become near-disturbing simply because children this small are involved. I personally really enjoy it. It's the exact kind of storytelling that brought me into comic books as a kid when I was reading titles like The New Mutants and X-Terminators (two teams that both featured youngsters in the rosters facing some rather adult challenges) during the demonic Inferno storyline. I am making it a point from here on to find the issues of Power Pack that I don't yet own. 

I was SO excited to find a six-pack of Sleepwalker comics! Sleepwalker was just weird enough and original enough that he quickly became must-read for me back in the 90's. I usually didn't have enough money to buy his title regularly, so my Sleepwalker collection is all over the place. But with Sleepwalker's limitations, powers, and bizarre character design he still remains an old favorite. He's the kind of character that would just never have any hope of kicking off his own book these days.

I am SHOCKED by how much I genuinely enjoy the Wonder Man series that Marvel put out in the early 90's. I've had a couple issues of this book kicking around forever, and over time have piecemealed together a small, enjoyable collection. I was able to add three more issues to the stack from this trip. I highly recommend at the very least, the first 10 issues or so. They're a fun send-up of Hollywood culture, in a sort of "L.A. Story" with superheroes kind of concept. 

Finally, I found these last two gems. The first one is an issue of Hot Stuff from Harvey Comics. These were staples of my childhood before I began reading New Mutants and X-Men. I mean I was a HUGE Harvey comics reader. And then there on the right are some of the very mutants that pulled me away from Hot Stuff, Casper, Richie Rich, and the other Harvey all-stars... the mutant team X-Factor! 

But the Chicken Barn isn't all books! The downstairs is full of antiques and collectibles. It was down there that I found this little bag of AWESOME... a ziploc bag full of Hasbro's Star Wars Galactic Heroes figures, which are no longer being made.

Here's a look at everyone included, 14 in all. As you can see, it was a nice mix of characters, if you ignore everyone from the prequels. Some of these I already had, but a lot of them are ones I was trying to track down! Let's take a look at some of the more notable characters:

First up are some folks from the forest moon, Endor. A pair of Ewoks, including Wicket, with the spear and I'm-not-sure-who with the wings. And Leia! Speeder-bike Leia, who goes along great with my Speeder-Bike Luke! 

And these guys from that hive of scum and villainy, the Mos Eisley Cantina! You have Hammerhead there and then one of the Cantina band.

Next up a couple of Golden Books. The first is significant to no one but me, but because I love reading Bialosky's Christmas to my kids every year, any time I find another kids book, much less a Little Golden Book, I get excited. And then this vintage Howdy Doody Little Golden book was such a neat find! Love stuff like this.

And I'll finish things off with a trio of novelizations. The Rocketeer, Darkman, and TRON! I love collecting movie novelizations lately, and these three books couldn't have made me more pleased! Just look at those covers, I mean come on! All in all, I had a pretty good time poking around in the Big Chicken Barn! 

That's all I've got for tonight kids, but I'll be back with more Geeky Goodwill goodies soon enough! So, until then, Happy Hunting! 

League Post: Cryptozoology!

SO it's that time once again kids (In fact, I am almost too LATE!!!) for The League of Extraordinary Bloggers!!! What's the topic this week you ask? Easy! It's:



Awesome right? So I sat and thought for a bit. I own a bunch of books that detail various different local creatures that folks claim are real, like The Jersey Devil, Chupacabra, The Moth Man, etc. But I didn't really just feel like focusing on my "favorite" cryptid... so I decided I'd focus on one of my all-time favorite book series that revolves around cryptids: Rick Yancey's Monstrumologist series.

I know I've mentioned it in passing here or there on the blog before, but I don't think I've ever devoted an entire post to Yancey or his books. And now that there's news that the series has been optioned by Warner Brothers to become a movie or possibly series of movies, well I figure I better get on it. 

Artist unknown. Got this image from the Monstrumologist Wiki.

The first book in the series The Monstrumologist, focuses on the relationship between Dr. Pellinore Warthrop and his young ward Will Henry. The relationship is a dysfunctional one, and mostly features the good Dr. Warthrop hunting monsters and putting Will, who is about 12 when the series begins, in mortal danger at every turn. The first book features creatures known as anthropophagi, which are straight up monsters, through and through, characterized by their lack of a head, and face in the center of their chests. I should point out that the gore level in these books is HIGH. The characters are developed and feel real, and the emotional impact of the monster attacks (as well as some of the circumstances revealed as to how the monsters got on, or rather under, US soil) are tragic and horrifying in equal measure. 

http://matthewstarbuck.com/

The second book The Curse of the Wendigo, focuses on... well the Wendigo. We're not talking about some lumbering bigfoot monster, but an evil, infected human who hungers for human flesh. There is even more of an emotional punch to this story as questions of love, morality, responsibility, and humanity itself are explored in the shadow of the Wendigo. The "monster" is definitely played more as a dark side of human nature rather than a beast to be hunted and defeated. 

Art by Frank Cho

The third book in the series sets Dr. Warthrop and his charge on a quest to find a beast that creates nests from human flesh. The nests cause an infection in anyone who handles them that drives them to behave much like aggressive zombies. So this is sort of Yancey's zombie book in the series. The twist at the end isn't EXACTLY a twist... but as with the other two books in the series, the book is more about the humans in the story even more than the monsters. This book explores the nature of compulsion, and asks the question of what truly makes a monster a monster?

The last book in the series is The Final Descent and I haven't finished reading it yet. So... I don't have much to say about it. Er... more on that later.

And to keep this slightly true to m Goodwill hunting theme... some other related books that I'll be reading at some point after I've finished Yancey's series are The Cryptid Hunters series by Roland Smith:

There are currently 4 books in the series, and I've found the first two at Goodwill. 

The series follows a set of Twins who travel with their Uncle, hunting cryptids. I guess the Chupacabra makes an appearance in the 3rd volume. So I'll be sure to track that one down as well. 

Let's see what the rest of the League is tracking down in the wilds, getting blurry photos of:

- Adam Nori who happens to be a paranormal enthusiast, definitely had some thoughts to share on the topic. 

- G.I. Jigsaw shares a selection of cryptid toys you can hunt down for yourself. 

- The Nerd Nook reminisces about an 80's family-favorite cryptid... 

- Revenge of the Toybox goes looking in some Dungeons and around some Dragons for a fantasy cryptid.

- Our fearless leader Brian over at Cool & Collected takes us on a magical mystery tour of his favorite pop-culture bigfoots (feet?)

- Primordial Badger's Media Hoard understands that sometimes if you can't find the cryptids... you have to make them yourself. 

- That Yellow Duck gives us a pretty awesome Who's Who of Cryptozoology. Some of these I wasn't aware of yet, and now I have some internet trawling to do! 

- Super Powered Fiction gives us a little taste of cryptids we may see in print in the near future... 

And that's all I've got for tonight kids! I'll be back soon with some Geeky Goodwill Goodies! So until then, Happy Hunting! 

Goodwill Geek Mailbag: A Package from Brian Napoleon Lapsley

Woof! Where does the time go! Suddenly you realize you haven't updated your blog in something like 10 days... and just woof. 

So I've had absolutely no good reason to put off posting this particular post for so long except... I don't know why! Just been damn lazy I guess. 

I know a LOT of genuinely kind and generous people out there in internet land, and one of them happens to be Brian Lapsley, artist, fellow thrifter-extraordinaire, and blogger over at Awake Oh Sleeper. He is another fine example of a supportive and generous fellow who has sent kind words... and now a fun mystery package my way! 

So first off... THIS is what arrived at my home. As I briefly mentioned above, Brian is a talented artist. I know he draws quite a bit, and he also makes amazing digital pieces such as this piece of his that he photocopied and adorned my package with! 

Inside, a note: Telling me to enjoy. And... I did. 

First up was this Classic Science Fiction Films book, which reads as a sort of movie catalogue with titles, dates, and brief synopses of each film. I love how some attitude creeps into a few of the entries:

"Just plain garbage" and "Makes Missile to the Moon look brilliant". Genius. 

Anyone who knows me knows that comic books are the way STRAIGHT to my heart. Couple of Amazing Spider-Man issues (part of the "Round Robin" event) and an issue of Ultraman.

I have always wanted to read the book Jumper by Steven Gould. I only vaguely recall the movie back in 2008, but I know I wasn't blown away by what I saw of it. I had heard that the book was head-and-shoulders above the film however, and I have been itching to read it. So I did! I read this almost immediately after finding this in the package! And I can tell you, I LOVED it! What a great concept, and executed very well. It's hard to describe the book in any meaningful way, but I can tell you I kept comparing it to Ready Player One in my head the whole time I was reading it. The subject matter of the two books couldn't be more different... but there's a very palpable sense of wish-fulfilment for geeks in both books. The protagonist of Jumper is likable and is using his newfound talents to get himself out of a horrible life. 

Back in the day, I had a complete set of these "Freaky Fighters" which were a bunch of bat-wielding monsters from Hammer films. You could find these at Dollar stores and the like. They were bizarre, and I think I ended up giving my set away to a friend online. I'm glad to get this one back however, because Werewolves are some of my all-time favorite monsters!

Here's a shot of the back. I think this fella will be staying firmly in his package, because I just love the look of the whole thing together. 

This Rad Badge is from Burger King from back in the day! LOVE this thing! The turtles pop up from behind the shell to say hello! Lookit those guys!

Speaking of Burger King and famous cartoon stars that I happen to love, there's this Scooby-Doo plush from Burger King circa 2000! Mr. Lapsley is hitting ALL the right notes here with this mystery package you guys!

Probably my absolute favorite item in the whole box was this little Big Guy! It's a Stay Puft Marshmallow Man pencil sharpener from a 1987 Real Ghostbusters themed McDonald's Happy Meal! Gaze upon the tiny plastic form of the Destructor!

So here it all is! Toys and books and comics from an incredibly generous individual! So generous in fact, that I have already received a second mystery package from him that I will share with you all at a later date! Thank you Mr. Lapsley! I truly appreciate this collection of the weird, the wild, and the nostalgic! Be sure to check out Brian's blog (linked above) and be sure to also check him out on Instagram! 

That's all I've got for tonight kids! I'll be back soon with some Geeky Goodwill Goodies! Until then, Happy Hunting! 

TOTAL DARKNESS: Kind Of Sort Of Final Stand (A Diary of a Dorkette: "All My Toys" Tie-In)

Total Darkness has fallen. 

Oh the villains? We won. 

The afterlife is bleeding into the world because of Maleficent, and now the dead and the living are... well... living together. We live in a world now where the good guys are on the run and the bad guys are out hunting. Villainy is on steroids these days, and the heroes are being rounded up like cattle and herded into prisons (It's harder to outright KILL the heroes because you know... the whole afterlife bleeding into the world thing... but we take what we can get). And of course, almost EVERY battle appears to take place on the corner of someone's desk... because THAT is what MANY parts of the world look like now thanks to TOTAL DARKNESS!!!! Mwuah-ha-hahhh!!!

You still hear about pathetic little groups popping up here and there, trying to fight back, trying to resist... but the evil on the breeze is just too potent. It's like a Dutch Oven EVERYWHERE these days. There is strength in numbers, and the forces of evil just have the numbers these days. 

Solo heroes don't have a chance. Panthro, split from the rest of his Thundercats pack was an easy prey to villains on the prowl. Boo-frikkin-hoo. I always thought that guy had to be the love child of Mr. Clean and Catwoman. 

Even some of the biggest pains-in-the-butt heroes, like Snake-Eyes, have been tracked and hunted like dogs in the street. It just takes the right kind of hunters. And do we know some hunters in SPADES. 

The time-stream isn't even a safe haven! All the trouble we've been mixing up makes time travel difficult... tricky... weird... er... complicated... dangerous? Just ask Spector. And the few Time Travellers who haven't removed themselves from the timestream completely are mostly villains who are out to settle scores with some of the so-called "Lords" of time. He was like "I'm the Doctor." and we were all like, doctor who?" Amirite?

Superman was detained fairly early on. But he's not the only god-like hero of strength and virtue out there. There are other heavy-hitting heroes, who wear their underwear the wrong side out, that had to be taken out by even heavier-hitting villains. But Superman would have shed an all-American tear (if he wasn't our B**CH!!!) to see those brave last stands. 

Well established crime fighting teams and partnerships have been broken asunder by the forces of evil. Carried off to separate prisons to keep them docile. Or... we assume prisons. No one has really been checking up on Merman and those tentacled aliens from Springfield. Probably nothing weird going on there.

Moving on. 

Almost every force for good, big or small, has been dealt with. In special cases, we genuinely hope the forces of good are eaten and digested and turned into fertilizer because they are so annoying with their shrill, repetitive singing and their little matchy-matchy outfits. Ugh.

This is also a time of strange rivalries suddenly surfacing and being violently dealt with... rivalries that possibly no one had ever even been aware of. Rivalries that maybe make no sense to anyone on the outside of them. Hey even we villains have our fringe groups. 

Even the most brilliant-big-brained bravadoes  have been laid low by the muscle-bound, mindless masses of mayhem. The sheer force of wave after wave of villains beating them down has had the intended effect. DOMINATION BY THE FORCES OF EVIL!!!

Vincent: Which brings us to here... now. Me. Vincent. Standing before you lousy troops, explaining all of this information to you that you already must obviously know, in a strangely expository (but still COMMANDING!) way! Because our Lord Hordak--

Gathered Troops: LONG LIVE THE HORDE!!!

Vincent: -Sigh- Yeeeeessss... Long live the Horde and all that. Our Lord Hordak--

Gathered Troops: LONG LIVE THE HORDE!!!

Vincent: Yup! Got it! Long live the Horde! OUR BOSS has given me command of his so called "Elite Death Squad" in order to track down that misfit band of miscreant mutant morons led by Petey Graffiti!!! 

Vincent: With the unstoppable force of the Juggernaut, 

Juggernaut: Yeah!

Vincent: The mutagenetic mad science of Baxter Stockman,

Baxter Stockman: Zzzzzsure enough! 

Vincent: The battlefield knowledge of tactician Gorneesh

Gorneesh: Errr.. yeah! Yes! Yup, that's me! Tactician!

Vincent: The berserker roadrage of RamBam, 

RamBam: Graah!

Vincent: The power-plucking-prowess of Leech, 

Leech: Hmph.

Vincent: And the geriatric... and the grandiose... the... then we have Granny Gross! 

Granny Gross: Darn tootin' whippersnapper! (Hmmm. now where's that butterscotch I had in my purse?)

Vincent: And with this elite squad I shall finally track down my twin brother, Prince, and add his power to my own! I am so tired of that guy and his happy-go-lucky attitude! I'm going to finally see him and his mysteriously ambivalent and hard-to-define power-set fail and Fail and FAIL!!! I will show HIM which of us mother loved best! It doesn't matter if he was born 2 minutes before me! He always got the better toys, the better desserts, and he had the respect and approval of our father... I'm so SICK--

Baxter Stockman: Thiizzzz feelzzzz like you're oversharing juzzzzt a bit zzzzsir. 

RamBam: Graah!

Gorneesh: Yeah, when Hordak--

Gathered Troops: LONG LIVE THE HORDE!!!

Gorneesh: --gives us speeches he doesn't monologue for NEARLY as long as you have been. 

Vincent: I'LL MONOLOGUE IF I DAMN WELL PLEASE!!!

Leech: Yeah. Let's slow the roll here "big guy". I'm still not 100% convinced that you're the one that should be heading up this little operation. I mean... where's Optikk? He usually leads these types of missions... right? I mean, c'mon... you? You would fit comfortably in my shaving kit. AND I DON'T EVEN OWN A SHAVING KIT ya know what I'm sayin'? Who died and made you a general in the Horde? Why should I follow your lead? I mean, I'm seriously questioning your judgment right off the bat. For instance, who invited Gorneesh along? 

Gorneesh: Hey!

Juggernaut: We were all thinkin' it man.

Gorneesh: But I'm a tactician!

RamBam: Graah! 

Gorneesh: Aw.

Leech: One word: Ewoks. You can't stop a village of Teddy Bears with sharp sticks. I got NO RESPECT. I mean, where's Bebop and Rocksteady? Or heck, I'd take that Klunk guy who's always fighting the Bionic Six. Who picked this team? You? Vincent the Teensy-Weensy? Not the most faith-inspiring--

Vincent: You require proof of my power?

Leech: Uh... Yeah!

Vincent: Fine then. You will discover I was not chosen for this position only due to my own latent magic abilities. I was not chosen simply because I wield the staff of Macguffin with a deadly precision. I was chosen for my skills in the ART OF PAIN!!!

Leech: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! (This was actually shortened considerably for your convenience. You are welcome.) 

Meanwhile Elsewhere:

Petey: Okay guys! I'm not going to kid you here... things look pretty grim. Bulldozer, Chicky, Vocal-Chord, Prince, and Blob... we may very well be one of the last lines of defense in the fight against evil.

Bulldozer: Yeah, no kidding bub! Almost all the bubs we know have been rounded up and packed in prisons!

Blob: Villains roam da' streets!

Vocal-Chord: The Cheesecake Factory is no longer honoring DealChicken coupons. 

Petey: We all know how bad it's gotten. And we all know how important it is to keep our heads down, keep a low profile, and keep to the shadows so we don't end up jailed like all the others. I've put out a call to some of our reserve members, but I have no idea if they've been jailed, if they got my messages, or if they're just screening their calls. Regardless, we have to keep striving to make a difference in this world. We have to look out of the little guys! We have to fight--

Chicky: --YAWN--

Petey: Chicky... baby... am I... boring you?

Chicky: Humwhuah? Oh! No! Love your speeches! Great speech. That was a yawn of... hopelessness and despair. 

Peter: Oh baby, you don't need to despair. I'm here. I'll always be right here with you. 

Chicky: I know Petey, but my nebulous yet almost demigod-like telepsychoclairvoyopathometrikinetic powers keep giving me uselessly vague yet plot-movingly terrifying images of the future (or images of several infinite possible futures) to come! Hold me Petey! Put your arms around me! 

Petey: I... you know I can't do that Chicky. 

Chicky: I NEED you to hold me RIGHT NOW. 

Petey: Chicky, you know that even if my arm span actually could fit around the circumference of your head, I still can't because my arms are fused to my body. It's part of my mutant power. 

Chicky: Then just french kiss me!

Petey: Okay, you know I love you... right... so I'm going to explain this again... bird beaks... and human mouths... Oh what the heck. We're all going to be imprisoned by evil soon anyway. Pucker up chicken-lips.  

Petey & Chicky (Off Panel): --Horrific slurping noises--

Prince: I feel weird being here. Right now. 

Vocal Chord: I cannot express emotions yet I feel awkward. Why do they sound MORE organic than they should?

Blob: Do dey know... we're right here? Watchin' 'em?

Bulldozer: I like it. 

Blob: Bulldozer, 

Bulldozer: Bub.

Blob: You know my name's Blob

Bulldozer: Will you settle for blub?

Blob: ... I can't help but look around at dis' ragtag band of misfits and notice that most a' us was once villains ourselves! I mean, you was once Terri-Bull, I was once da Gulper Ghost, Vocal Chord was once a Tyrant of da' Wind Enforcer... Prince was one a' Robin Hoods highwaymen, Petey's a vandal, and Chicky... well she's a beatnick chicken puppet. Dat's bad enough. 

Bulldozer: Yep. 

Blob: Do yuz ever think about going back to da' dark side? 

Bulldozer: Sure do, bub.

Blob: Wha--? What keeps yuz from doin' it den? 

Bulldozer: I got the secret hots for Chicky. It's tumultuous. I'm a bad boy. She's secretly into me too but she doesn't let on... I think. Because I'm so brooding and I've got metal bones. I'm complicated. But as long as I think I might have a shot? I'm sticking around. 

Blob: Oh... uh... Chicky huh? Really? 

Bulldozer: We're mini-figures man. Options are limited. Who's gonna go out with me? Velma? Storm? Wonder Woman? Nope. Chicky's where its at. Maybe. Someday. When she sees past my feral exterior to my heart of nougaty-gold. I've got berserker rages. I'm complicated. 

Petey: Hey man. 

Prince: Hey. 

Petey: So... your brother, Vincent. What's his deal man? 

Prince: He just pretty much hates me. Ever since we were born. I think he gave me a wedgie while we were IN the womb. He thinks Mom and Dad liked me better. 

Petey: Did they? 

Prince: Well... they named me Princent for a reason. So they could call me Prince. 

Petey: Wait. What.

Prince: Yeah. My full name is Princent. 

Petey: Is that why your parents are dead?

Prince: I don't want to talk about it. 

Petey: All right you guys. This is it. We're going to stay together as a team and go out there and help the little guys! The Evil Horde has ALWAYS been a problem, but just because some evil fairy brought the dead to town doesn't mean that anything has changed. 

Blob: Except for the amped up evil powers. I mean they're all like on villainous PCP or something. Bath Salts. I think this is the only time we can justifiably use the term "ridonculous" in a non-ironic way and have it actually mean something. 

Prince: And then there's all of our allies being imprisoned. Like, you guys, Superman is in prison right now. Think about that. We're pretty much on our own against guys like Darkseid, Thanos, Hordak, and Maleficent. Not to mention my brother. What are my powers again?

Chicky: And the fact that the--

Petey: GUYS! Missing the point guys. Remember the days when our base of operations was a junkyard? We've come so much further than that! I mean, hey, it's no Australian lair filled with near-sentient computers, or a tower in New York topped with the Sentry's stronghold, or an Asteroid or anything... but it appears to be the semi-clean corner of some random guy's desk, and you can't tell me that doesn't count for something!

Vocal Chord: I can not express emotions but I have urinated a tiny bit thinking about the future. 

Petey: And THAT has to be what we all have in common! We are a TEAM! We will stand strong! We will stand TOGETHER and we will use our highly derivative yet poorly defined mutant powers--

Bulldozer: I think I have a healing factor! I'm complicated.

Petey: --and status as brooding outcasts to make it through this mess! Let's bring it in! 

Petey: On three guys! We don't have a team name so just shout hooray real loud!

Vocal Chord: Peter I do not believe you have your hand in with everyone else's.

Petey: Yeah. It's in there. Trust me. 

Blob: Nope. Not in 'dere. 

Petey: Well, my elbow's just gonna haveta do OKAY!? 1-2-3--

All the Heroes Together (Including Vocal Chord at ear-splitting levels): HOOOORAAAY!!!

SUDDENLY: In a flash, Vincent and his death-squad appear before the heroes. 

Vincent: Oh. Here you losers are. We could hear you cheering like a big bunch of boobs. ATTACK!!!

Leech: Okay boss! Whatever you say boss!

 

Blob: Uhhh... can we talk about 'dis? 

Leech: Nope. But I can have-- 

Leech: LUNCH!!! --Sluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrppp!!!-- (Again shortened considerably for your consideration. Blob is made of slime and Leech slurps when he eats because he sucks so much.)

Chicky: Oh I don't know how I feel about using my psychoteledeusexmachinatic powers on a senior citizen!!!

Granny Gross: Oh isn't that sweet of you dear!

Granny Gross: As sweet as a Butterscotch candy!!! NOM-NOM-NOM!!!

Petey: Oh shhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii--

RamBam: Graah!

Petey: --iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii--

RamBam: Graah!

Petey: --iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!

RamBam: Graah!

Vocal Chord: I will hit you with an ultra-sonic sound explosion!!! 

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Baxter Stockman: Oh you are juszzzt szzzo cute! I uszzzed to work with roboticszzz myszzzelf! I know juszzzt how to deal with you!!!

Baxter Stockman: SZZZWAT YOU LIKE A FLY!!!! HEE-HEE-HEE!!!

Vocal Chord: Ouch.

Bulldozer: All right Bub! Here's a punch to the jaw!

Gorneesh: My name is Gorneesh. Not bub. Ow.

Bulldozer: I just call everybody that. I'm complicated. 

Bulldozer: Looks like this fight isn't going the way you wanted it to, bub. Now if you don't call off the rest of your goons right now, I'm going to pop my claws into your throat. I'M COMPLICATED!!!

Gorneesh: You know what else is complicated?

Bulldozer: What? My backstory?

Juggernaut: BODY SLAM!

Gorneesh: My plan to get beaten up by a hero a third my size to distract him so that Juggernaut could pulverize him worked! I am a tactician! 

Juggernaut: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Vincent: And now my brother... thanks to Maleficent's spell, the power of the darkness flows freely through me! Your stupid little friends are no match for my stupid BIG friends! Ha!

Juggernaut: Hey!

Vincent: And now, sweet Princent, I will use the Staff of Macguffin to draw ALL of your powers into me! Including the powers that should have been mine since birth: Your own! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!

Prince: You won't get away with this Vince! You won't! We'll find a way to stop you! To stop all of this! We might not be able to stop Maleficent, because that it probably going on in some other story somewhere else... but we will find a way to stop you! Because that is our part of this crossover mega-event! 

Vincent: What?

Prince: I mean duty! It's our duty! 

Vincent: Yes... well. You SMELL like doody! So there! 

Leech: Good one boss!

Vincent: And now...

Vincent: Pain.

Prince: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!! (Shortened. You know.)

Lizard: Holee! Did you guys see that???

Blur: Suredidlizardwhatarewegonnadothough?

Flyboy: Blargh! Phhhlllppttthh!!!

Tick-Tick: It's a good thing we all took our time showing up when Petey called, and that we hid behind this conveniently placed VHS tape just before Vincent and his villains arrived! Being reserve members isn't so bad sometimes.

Windy the Raisin: Toot!

Lizard: We gotta get some back up! We gotta help those guys!

Tick-Tick: Do we?

TO BE CONCLUDED AT THE END OF THE TOTAL DARKNESS MEGA EVENT

Will Petey and the gang survive this battle? 

Can Lizard and Tick-Tick rally the troops to save them and stop Vincent?

Will the next part of the story be so god-awfully long? 

Find out when Total Darkness concludes!!!

My thanks to Miss M over at a Diary of a Dorkette for her awesome "All My Toys" storyline! Be sure to check it out over at Diary of a Dorkette!

That's all I've got for tonight kids! We'll be back to regularly scheduled programming next time, and I'll be back with some Geeky Goodwill Goodies soon enough! Until then, Happy Hunting!