Goodwill Hunting 4 Geeks Special: Interview with a Dorkette!!!

Welcome Dear Readers! For this blog post I thought I’d do a little something different. It’s a big blogging world out there, and I want to do a little exploring with you guys! In that vein, I thought I’d start doing a regular feature here on Goodwill Hunting 4 Geeks where I pick one of my online buddies to interview about what they’re doing. And I definitely thought that I’d start well within my comfort zone by interviewing one of my very best internet friends, Michael, otherwise known as “Miss M” of the Diary of a Dorkette Blog. 

The following is an instant messaging conversation we had the other night when we both sat down to do the interview. Enjoy!

Also a quick note to let you know that (unless otherwise noted) ALL of the photography from this blog post is Michael's own photography, most of it picked fresh from her blog. 

Michael, the Miss behind the "Miss M"

Goodwill Geek: How are you doing tonight M?

Miss M: I am doing fantastic! Thrilled that you are wanting to talk with me. It's always a fun time.

Goodwill Geek: Awesome! Thanks for joining me. So first things first, I would just like you to tell me in your own words what it is you do over at Diary of a Dorkette. What's it all about?

Miss M: Well I started Diary of a Dorkette nearly four years ago to discuss the toys and memories from my youth that I still love and collect today. These were toys I had hoped would bring people together and there would be a way for me to get to know people. It then turned into a place for me to share toy stories.

Goodwill Geek: For the uninitiated, explain what you mean by "Toy stories".

Literally the only picture in this whole post that I (sort of) made myself.

Miss M: Toy stories are my own stories I write that have my toys as the cast of characters. I even have a toy that represents myself and in a story telling that is part toy review, part personal confessions, and just plain old crazy story telling these toys go on various adventures through dialogue and pictures.

Miss M, the writer of Diary of a Dorkette just chilling in her office. 

Goodwill Geek: I love checking out the happs over at your blog! The stories are crazy fun and the photos are muy-muy fun to check out. I know I've said this to you before but I'll say it again: I think it is so cool that you are a grown woman who straight up plays with her toys and shares that play with the rest of the world.

Miss M: And that's the thing, I have loved telling stories my whole life and for that entire time I have always used my toys as the avatars for those stories. The difference now is I share it with everyone as opposed to just keeping it to myself.

A scene from Arkham asylum. (You might notice someone FINALLY locked up that sociopath Lucy)

Goodwill Geek: How long does it usually take to photograph one of the "episodes" and do you have a specific area you work in? Or do you just use whatever space is available?

Miss M: The time depends on the length of the story. Over all the basic outline for the direction of the story is planned months in advance but for a specific post it takes about a few days to a week. A couple hours here and there. I type everything up in my kitchen but the process of picture taking is in my room that has all my toys. I set up my shadow box and just go through the whole area looking for what I will need.

Where else are you going to find Shredder teaming up with mad scientists like Doctors Badvibes and Blight?
To drain mutants of their mutant juice no less!

Goodwill Geek: That is freaking incredible. About how many toys would you say you have in your collection? Any idea?

Miss M: Oh I have no idea. Hundreds.

Pictured: My Graceland
(I actually have several "Gracelands" but this is one of my Gracelandiest)

Goodwill Geek: OH MY GOSH!!! That is amazing.

Miss M: That is my room right now. It's very messy because I haven't had the time to organize it. My brother took this the other night because he was trying to send it to my dad.

Goodwill Geek: I want to come over and PLAY!!!

Miss M: I know! Everyone says that. It's insane. I have more in bins and stuff. When I lived with my ex I had a whole room for this stuff only but after the divorce I moved back home and there was limited space.

Goodwill Geek: All right I have to stop hyperventilating and ask the important questions.

Miss M: LOL. It's ok.

Goodwill Geek: Would you say you have any favorite pieces in your collection that you like to use again and again for storytelling purposes?

Miss M: Well there's my figure. I also have created recurring characters from She-Ra, TMNT, and Batman. That's just the beginning though. Frankenberry, Sulu, and Billy the Blue Ranger are also becoming regulars.

It's seeing characters like this interacting that
makes me flip my S**T when I read this blog.
I'm totally shipping these guys into "Blulu".

Goodwill Geek: I've also noticed that you aren't prejudiced about which versions of the characters you'll use in your storytelling either. For instance sometimes we'll see a movie version of a character then a cartoon version of the character, and even a Funko POP or two have made an appearance. Michelangelo is a perfect example of this as are Maleficent and April O'Neil. Is there any rhyme or reason behind what version of a character you'll use for a particular story?

Ummm... April? You okay?

Miss M: There are times when there is a reason for it, if the toys being used are all the same size or need to be close in scale I will go with a specific choice but other times it's just to show off a fun version of a toy. Plus articulation also plays into it too. If there is an action scene I'll use a Michelangelo with more articulation.

Miss M and Michelangelo dated for awhile. Here's the happy couple on movie night.

Goodwill Geek: That makes a lot of sense! Another thing I especially love is how there's always a cast of (literally?) thousands walking around in the background of parties, club scenes, crowded city streets, etc. What inspires the choices of characters that we can see meandering around as "extras" so to speak during the different stories?

Miss M: Sometimes they serve a purpose. For example the story that was in toy Las Vegas, I wanted to have background toys that would make sense in that environment. Like the Olive Oyl in her showgirl attire or the Influence from Dick Tracy.

Frankenberry wanted to get all Oyl'ed up.
Okay sorry. That was uncalled for.

Other times it's just to showcase fun old toys which is something people really like doing, trying to notice all the background toys. Plus sometimes the background toys end up getting their own story as will be the case of something I'm working on now about Link and Zelda.

The Jury is in! Diary of a Dorkette ROCKS!!!

Goodwill Geek: It really does feel like a big game of I Spy or Where's Waldo reading through some of the stories, and I do love how the extras sometimes get their own little mini subplots! Speaking of story, your blog is no stranger to BIG EVENTS. Awhile back you did a crossover event with some other bloggers called "Total Darkness" what inspired you to do that?

Just one of Maleficent's many appearances and many forms.

Miss M: Well I have long been a fan of comics and the things I loved with comics were those big major events with crossover appeal and I wanted to do something like that with my toy story that could also bring other people into it. I wanted everyone to have fun and also bring people to each other's blogs and just continue that sense of community that we have with our toy blogging community.

Goodwill Geek: (As a participant in said crossover, I can tell you it was a BLAST) But and even more recent event on your blog has been "Toys and Troma" can you tell me a little bit about what inspired that event?

A girl and her toxic mutant boyfriend. Like Tromeo and Miss Emulet.

Miss M: I was watching movies from a movie app back in March and they had a ton of Troma films. I started watching them and it just brought me back to when I used to watch as a teen, and after watching Class of Nuke 'Em High and the Toxic Avenger I just wanted to do something to celebrate Troma and the toy line of the Toxic Crusaders. So I started coming up with a story.

Goodwill Geek: As I understand it, a lot of your toys are yours from when you were younger, but a lot of them are ones you've tracked down as well. Were the Toxic Crusaders a line you already owned or did you have to track them down?

Miss M: I had to track them down. I remembered them as a kid and thought they were so gross but now I had a blast getting them all.

Teenage Miss M was made an honorary Toxic Crusader.

Goodwill Geek: The Lady Death characters play a big part in this event as well. What made you decide to use them so prominently?

Miss M: Well I needed bullies. That's a hallmark of certain Troma films and 99.9 percent of the toys in this story came from the 90's and that was on purpose since the Toxic Crusaders came out in the early 90's. Lady Death and her crew just seemed hyper sexual and mean. It was perfect. Plus I had a line, it was the first line I had for the story and I knew it had to come from Evil Ernie and that was, "I want you to be the bubble in my gut so I can feel you slide out my butt."

A bubble in your gut? Slide out your yeah-buh-what?

Goodwill Geek: Ewwww... Moving on.  We've seen several different versions of "Miss M" on Diary of a Dorkette, including a Blythe version, a teenage version, and even a possessed Moth-Lady version. 

A Moth Lady with Miss M IN her mind and Bruce Wayne ON her mind.

But you recently revealed a custom made Miss M action figure you were given and I was wondering if this will become the new default "Miss M" on the blog?

"Big M, Little M, M. M. M." -- Dr. Seuss

Miss M: The new custom Miss M will be getting some major face time (ba-da-bum) in the coming stories, but she will not be the default figure. I love the new custom figure, the head can go on so many different bodies and styles, but I am incredibly partial to the Blythe version. That version is very important to me.

A tale of Two M's.

Goodwill Geek: Well it looks amazing and I can't wait to see what she get's up to, but I'm also relieved to hear that "classic" Miss M is not being retired. Next there's a pretty fun feature of your blog that I want to ask about. You have special spotlight characters like "Heroic Hotties" and "Bodacious Baddies" (and I'm forgetting at least one more)... What are all of the different titles you use for these features and what are the origins of this practice on your blog?

A tense stand-off between Miss M and Hordak...

Miss M: The Heroic Hottie feature was the first in terms of the "All My Toys" toy story. I had a few different features before the ones involved with the toy story, but the Heroic Hottie feature came out of a place of me being tongue in cheek with toy collecting. I had been on forum where some gentlemen were discussing how they did not understand why a particular toy line we were all collecting had to have female figures n it, especially female figures that they felt were unattractive. As one member said, "I don't mind female figures, but they have to be hot. I only collect hot female figures."

The Cat Ladies!

This comment was so preposterous to me and it gave me the idea for the Heroic Hottie feature. That feature was part review and part "objectifying" of hot male action figures. I wanted to do a monthly interview with hot male toys sort of like the silly interviews with Playmates in adult magazines. I then expanded it once the All My Toys story started forming and being created. After the first year I then added features for monthly interviews with toy villains and female heroes respectively called "Bodacious Baddie" and "Woman of Wonderosity." The interviews are now more like stories, but the goal is to show off toys in an entertaining way.

 The First 2 Heroic Hotties to Be featured on DoaD: Gambit and Bow!

Goodwill Geek: I love how they blend so seamlessly into the storytelling to the point now where it's almost a surprise when you make the reveal. I know we both have to get going here soon, so I'll wrap thing up with just a couple more questions... Here's the big one: What do you love most about toys, toy collecting, being a geek, all of it?

Miss M: Oh goodness this is could take a while. Toy collecting has been a part of my life since I was a kid. It is my hobby. I have mentioned this before, but I was pretty much born to be geeky. I have lived with a genetic disorder my whole life that essentially saw me indoors a great deal. There I found the joys of video games, books, and of course toys. For as long as I can remember toys have been a little piece of magic.

Velvet Skye and Hordak team up to take out their common enemy: Miss M!!!

Pop culture and the stories I enjoyed created characters and worlds that I knew I'd never be able to actually go to. Having toys and all the items that go with them, I was able to go to those places. Now that I am older I continue to go to those places and enjoy the thrill of creativity and imagination. I never want to let that go. I used to wonder if there would come a time that I would no longer be collecting or geeking out over toys and comics, but I'm 33 and have been showing no signs of "growing up." I love it all. More so now that I have gotten to know other wonderful people with similar interests.

Goodwill Geek: I agree completely with that. Toys were a HUGE part of my life from childhood on to current times, and I used them in a lot of the same ways you did. And there's DEFINITELY an awesome community out there in real life as well as online that we can connect with these days. THAT'S one of the main reasons I wanted to start interviewing my friends for this series! Before I let you go, is there any other stuff you'd like to tell us about you or your online activities? 

Miss M: Some other things to share about myself. Well I am lucky to be on two podcasts where I get to talk with fellow friends. Geek Fallout was the first podcast I joined and it has been a fun experience. I love being the group there. I also get to podcast with you and two other wonderful guys (Jason Roberts and Brian Farrell) on Eclectic Mayhem. This is something I love so much because I now have reached a point in my life where I can have conversations with people about the topics we all share in. It's just a really fun thing to be a part of. I am also active on Twitter and Instagram under Diary of a Dorkette. I have a blast getting to know new people. I have also written for other sites such as NerdSociety.com and Retro-Daze.org. Those are wonderful sites that also feature other writers of pop culture with a lot of great things to say. One other thing I want to mention is that I am going to be doing another cross over event for other bloggers to join in on if they feel so inclined!

 From "The Big Dance" to "Toy Vegas" The Diary tells all.

Goodwill Geek: Awesome! I can't wait to hear more details about the next Crossover event! Thank you so much for joining me tonight to talk about what you're up to, Miss M! I love your blog, and I love podcasting with you, and I hope everybody goes over to check out the toy adventures of Miss M, She-Ra, April O'Neil, and all the others! Any final thoughts before we go?

Miss M: My last message for you my dear Derek is to say thank you. This means a lot and is truly an honor that you have taken the time to ask me these questions. I also want to give the biggest of thanks to anyone who has stopped by and taken a moment to read anything I've posted. Diary of a Dorkette has allowed me to get to know some wonderful people. I can't imagine how things would be if I wasn't able to connect with other like minded people. That is the most magical thing of it all. (Although a She-Ra figure doesn't hurt.) Thanks again Derek and I hope all is going well!

Well that's all we have for this evening dear readers! I want to shout one more big thanks out to Miss M of Diary of a Dorkette! Michael you are truly one of the most inspiring and genuinely nice people I've met in my time as a blogger. You set a great example for all of us by out accepting and outgoing you are. 

I want to encourage everyone reading this to go over and experience the totally AWESOME insanity that is Diary of a Dorkette!!! And be sure to listen to both Michael and myself as we talk with our friends Jason (of Nerdy Life of Mine) and Brian "The Trash Man" (of Pop Pop! It's Trash Culture) on our podcast Eclectic Mayhem! 

I'll be back soon with some Geeky Goodwill Goodies boys and girls! Until then, Happy Hunting!

TOTAL DARKNESS: Kind Of Sort Of Final Stand (A Diary of a Dorkette: "All My Toys" Tie-In)

Total Darkness has fallen. 

Oh the villains? We won. 

The afterlife is bleeding into the world because of Maleficent, and now the dead and the living are... well... living together. We live in a world now where the good guys are on the run and the bad guys are out hunting. Villainy is on steroids these days, and the heroes are being rounded up like cattle and herded into prisons (It's harder to outright KILL the heroes because you know... the whole afterlife bleeding into the world thing... but we take what we can get). And of course, almost EVERY battle appears to take place on the corner of someone's desk... because THAT is what MANY parts of the world look like now thanks to TOTAL DARKNESS!!!! Mwuah-ha-hahhh!!!

You still hear about pathetic little groups popping up here and there, trying to fight back, trying to resist... but the evil on the breeze is just too potent. It's like a Dutch Oven EVERYWHERE these days. There is strength in numbers, and the forces of evil just have the numbers these days. 

Solo heroes don't have a chance. Panthro, split from the rest of his Thundercats pack was an easy prey to villains on the prowl. Boo-frikkin-hoo. I always thought that guy had to be the love child of Mr. Clean and Catwoman. 

Even some of the biggest pains-in-the-butt heroes, like Snake-Eyes, have been tracked and hunted like dogs in the street. It just takes the right kind of hunters. And do we know some hunters in SPADES. 

The time-stream isn't even a safe haven! All the trouble we've been mixing up makes time travel difficult... tricky... weird... er... complicated... dangerous? Just ask Spector. And the few Time Travellers who haven't removed themselves from the timestream completely are mostly villains who are out to settle scores with some of the so-called "Lords" of time. He was like "I'm the Doctor." and we were all like, doctor who?" Amirite?

Superman was detained fairly early on. But he's not the only god-like hero of strength and virtue out there. There are other heavy-hitting heroes, who wear their underwear the wrong side out, that had to be taken out by even heavier-hitting villains. But Superman would have shed an all-American tear (if he wasn't our B**CH!!!) to see those brave last stands. 

Well established crime fighting teams and partnerships have been broken asunder by the forces of evil. Carried off to separate prisons to keep them docile. Or... we assume prisons. No one has really been checking up on Merman and those tentacled aliens from Springfield. Probably nothing weird going on there.

Moving on. 

Almost every force for good, big or small, has been dealt with. In special cases, we genuinely hope the forces of good are eaten and digested and turned into fertilizer because they are so annoying with their shrill, repetitive singing and their little matchy-matchy outfits. Ugh.

This is also a time of strange rivalries suddenly surfacing and being violently dealt with... rivalries that possibly no one had ever even been aware of. Rivalries that maybe make no sense to anyone on the outside of them. Hey even we villains have our fringe groups. 

Even the most brilliant-big-brained bravadoes  have been laid low by the muscle-bound, mindless masses of mayhem. The sheer force of wave after wave of villains beating them down has had the intended effect. DOMINATION BY THE FORCES OF EVIL!!!

Vincent: Which brings us to here... now. Me. Vincent. Standing before you lousy troops, explaining all of this information to you that you already must obviously know, in a strangely expository (but still COMMANDING!) way! Because our Lord Hordak--

Gathered Troops: LONG LIVE THE HORDE!!!

Vincent: -Sigh- Yeeeeessss... Long live the Horde and all that. Our Lord Hordak--

Gathered Troops: LONG LIVE THE HORDE!!!

Vincent: Yup! Got it! Long live the Horde! OUR BOSS has given me command of his so called "Elite Death Squad" in order to track down that misfit band of miscreant mutant morons led by Petey Graffiti!!! 

Vincent: With the unstoppable force of the Juggernaut, 

Juggernaut: Yeah!

Vincent: The mutagenetic mad science of Baxter Stockman,

Baxter Stockman: Zzzzzsure enough! 

Vincent: The battlefield knowledge of tactician Gorneesh

Gorneesh: Errr.. yeah! Yes! Yup, that's me! Tactician!

Vincent: The berserker roadrage of RamBam, 

RamBam: Graah!

Vincent: The power-plucking-prowess of Leech, 

Leech: Hmph.

Vincent: And the geriatric... and the grandiose... the... then we have Granny Gross! 

Granny Gross: Darn tootin' whippersnapper! (Hmmm. now where's that butterscotch I had in my purse?)

Vincent: And with this elite squad I shall finally track down my twin brother, Prince, and add his power to my own! I am so tired of that guy and his happy-go-lucky attitude! I'm going to finally see him and his mysteriously ambivalent and hard-to-define power-set fail and Fail and FAIL!!! I will show HIM which of us mother loved best! It doesn't matter if he was born 2 minutes before me! He always got the better toys, the better desserts, and he had the respect and approval of our father... I'm so SICK--

Baxter Stockman: Thiizzzz feelzzzz like you're oversharing juzzzzt a bit zzzzsir. 

RamBam: Graah!

Gorneesh: Yeah, when Hordak--

Gathered Troops: LONG LIVE THE HORDE!!!

Gorneesh: --gives us speeches he doesn't monologue for NEARLY as long as you have been. 

Vincent: I'LL MONOLOGUE IF I DAMN WELL PLEASE!!!

Leech: Yeah. Let's slow the roll here "big guy". I'm still not 100% convinced that you're the one that should be heading up this little operation. I mean... where's Optikk? He usually leads these types of missions... right? I mean, c'mon... you? You would fit comfortably in my shaving kit. AND I DON'T EVEN OWN A SHAVING KIT ya know what I'm sayin'? Who died and made you a general in the Horde? Why should I follow your lead? I mean, I'm seriously questioning your judgment right off the bat. For instance, who invited Gorneesh along? 

Gorneesh: Hey!

Juggernaut: We were all thinkin' it man.

Gorneesh: But I'm a tactician!

RamBam: Graah! 

Gorneesh: Aw.

Leech: One word: Ewoks. You can't stop a village of Teddy Bears with sharp sticks. I got NO RESPECT. I mean, where's Bebop and Rocksteady? Or heck, I'd take that Klunk guy who's always fighting the Bionic Six. Who picked this team? You? Vincent the Teensy-Weensy? Not the most faith-inspiring--

Vincent: You require proof of my power?

Leech: Uh... Yeah!

Vincent: Fine then. You will discover I was not chosen for this position only due to my own latent magic abilities. I was not chosen simply because I wield the staff of Macguffin with a deadly precision. I was chosen for my skills in the ART OF PAIN!!!

Leech: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARGH!!! (This was actually shortened considerably for your convenience. You are welcome.) 

Meanwhile Elsewhere:

Petey: Okay guys! I'm not going to kid you here... things look pretty grim. Bulldozer, Chicky, Vocal-Chord, Prince, and Blob... we may very well be one of the last lines of defense in the fight against evil.

Bulldozer: Yeah, no kidding bub! Almost all the bubs we know have been rounded up and packed in prisons!

Blob: Villains roam da' streets!

Vocal-Chord: The Cheesecake Factory is no longer honoring DealChicken coupons. 

Petey: We all know how bad it's gotten. And we all know how important it is to keep our heads down, keep a low profile, and keep to the shadows so we don't end up jailed like all the others. I've put out a call to some of our reserve members, but I have no idea if they've been jailed, if they got my messages, or if they're just screening their calls. Regardless, we have to keep striving to make a difference in this world. We have to look out of the little guys! We have to fight--

Chicky: --YAWN--

Petey: Chicky... baby... am I... boring you?

Chicky: Humwhuah? Oh! No! Love your speeches! Great speech. That was a yawn of... hopelessness and despair. 

Peter: Oh baby, you don't need to despair. I'm here. I'll always be right here with you. 

Chicky: I know Petey, but my nebulous yet almost demigod-like telepsychoclairvoyopathometrikinetic powers keep giving me uselessly vague yet plot-movingly terrifying images of the future (or images of several infinite possible futures) to come! Hold me Petey! Put your arms around me! 

Petey: I... you know I can't do that Chicky. 

Chicky: I NEED you to hold me RIGHT NOW. 

Petey: Chicky, you know that even if my arm span actually could fit around the circumference of your head, I still can't because my arms are fused to my body. It's part of my mutant power. 

Chicky: Then just french kiss me!

Petey: Okay, you know I love you... right... so I'm going to explain this again... bird beaks... and human mouths... Oh what the heck. We're all going to be imprisoned by evil soon anyway. Pucker up chicken-lips.  

Petey & Chicky (Off Panel): --Horrific slurping noises--

Prince: I feel weird being here. Right now. 

Vocal Chord: I cannot express emotions yet I feel awkward. Why do they sound MORE organic than they should?

Blob: Do dey know... we're right here? Watchin' 'em?

Bulldozer: I like it. 

Blob: Bulldozer, 

Bulldozer: Bub.

Blob: You know my name's Blob

Bulldozer: Will you settle for blub?

Blob: ... I can't help but look around at dis' ragtag band of misfits and notice that most a' us was once villains ourselves! I mean, you was once Terri-Bull, I was once da Gulper Ghost, Vocal Chord was once a Tyrant of da' Wind Enforcer... Prince was one a' Robin Hoods highwaymen, Petey's a vandal, and Chicky... well she's a beatnick chicken puppet. Dat's bad enough. 

Bulldozer: Yep. 

Blob: Do yuz ever think about going back to da' dark side? 

Bulldozer: Sure do, bub.

Blob: Wha--? What keeps yuz from doin' it den? 

Bulldozer: I got the secret hots for Chicky. It's tumultuous. I'm a bad boy. She's secretly into me too but she doesn't let on... I think. Because I'm so brooding and I've got metal bones. I'm complicated. But as long as I think I might have a shot? I'm sticking around. 

Blob: Oh... uh... Chicky huh? Really? 

Bulldozer: We're mini-figures man. Options are limited. Who's gonna go out with me? Velma? Storm? Wonder Woman? Nope. Chicky's where its at. Maybe. Someday. When she sees past my feral exterior to my heart of nougaty-gold. I've got berserker rages. I'm complicated. 

Petey: Hey man. 

Prince: Hey. 

Petey: So... your brother, Vincent. What's his deal man? 

Prince: He just pretty much hates me. Ever since we were born. I think he gave me a wedgie while we were IN the womb. He thinks Mom and Dad liked me better. 

Petey: Did they? 

Prince: Well... they named me Princent for a reason. So they could call me Prince. 

Petey: Wait. What.

Prince: Yeah. My full name is Princent. 

Petey: Is that why your parents are dead?

Prince: I don't want to talk about it. 

Petey: All right you guys. This is it. We're going to stay together as a team and go out there and help the little guys! The Evil Horde has ALWAYS been a problem, but just because some evil fairy brought the dead to town doesn't mean that anything has changed. 

Blob: Except for the amped up evil powers. I mean they're all like on villainous PCP or something. Bath Salts. I think this is the only time we can justifiably use the term "ridonculous" in a non-ironic way and have it actually mean something. 

Prince: And then there's all of our allies being imprisoned. Like, you guys, Superman is in prison right now. Think about that. We're pretty much on our own against guys like Darkseid, Thanos, Hordak, and Maleficent. Not to mention my brother. What are my powers again?

Chicky: And the fact that the--

Petey: GUYS! Missing the point guys. Remember the days when our base of operations was a junkyard? We've come so much further than that! I mean, hey, it's no Australian lair filled with near-sentient computers, or a tower in New York topped with the Sentry's stronghold, or an Asteroid or anything... but it appears to be the semi-clean corner of some random guy's desk, and you can't tell me that doesn't count for something!

Vocal Chord: I can not express emotions but I have urinated a tiny bit thinking about the future. 

Petey: And THAT has to be what we all have in common! We are a TEAM! We will stand strong! We will stand TOGETHER and we will use our highly derivative yet poorly defined mutant powers--

Bulldozer: I think I have a healing factor! I'm complicated.

Petey: --and status as brooding outcasts to make it through this mess! Let's bring it in! 

Petey: On three guys! We don't have a team name so just shout hooray real loud!

Vocal Chord: Peter I do not believe you have your hand in with everyone else's.

Petey: Yeah. It's in there. Trust me. 

Blob: Nope. Not in 'dere. 

Petey: Well, my elbow's just gonna haveta do OKAY!? 1-2-3--

All the Heroes Together (Including Vocal Chord at ear-splitting levels): HOOOORAAAY!!!

SUDDENLY: In a flash, Vincent and his death-squad appear before the heroes. 

Vincent: Oh. Here you losers are. We could hear you cheering like a big bunch of boobs. ATTACK!!!

Leech: Okay boss! Whatever you say boss!

 

Blob: Uhhh... can we talk about 'dis? 

Leech: Nope. But I can have-- 

Leech: LUNCH!!! --Sluuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrppp!!!-- (Again shortened considerably for your consideration. Blob is made of slime and Leech slurps when he eats because he sucks so much.)

Chicky: Oh I don't know how I feel about using my psychoteledeusexmachinatic powers on a senior citizen!!!

Granny Gross: Oh isn't that sweet of you dear!

Granny Gross: As sweet as a Butterscotch candy!!! NOM-NOM-NOM!!!

Petey: Oh shhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii--

RamBam: Graah!

Petey: --iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii--

RamBam: Graah!

Petey: --iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!!!

RamBam: Graah!

Vocal Chord: I will hit you with an ultra-sonic sound explosion!!! 

EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

Baxter Stockman: Oh you are juszzzt szzzo cute! I uszzzed to work with roboticszzz myszzzelf! I know juszzzt how to deal with you!!!

Baxter Stockman: SZZZWAT YOU LIKE A FLY!!!! HEE-HEE-HEE!!!

Vocal Chord: Ouch.

Bulldozer: All right Bub! Here's a punch to the jaw!

Gorneesh: My name is Gorneesh. Not bub. Ow.

Bulldozer: I just call everybody that. I'm complicated. 

Bulldozer: Looks like this fight isn't going the way you wanted it to, bub. Now if you don't call off the rest of your goons right now, I'm going to pop my claws into your throat. I'M COMPLICATED!!!

Gorneesh: You know what else is complicated?

Bulldozer: What? My backstory?

Juggernaut: BODY SLAM!

Gorneesh: My plan to get beaten up by a hero a third my size to distract him so that Juggernaut could pulverize him worked! I am a tactician! 

Juggernaut: You keep using that word. I do not think it means what you think it means.

Vincent: And now my brother... thanks to Maleficent's spell, the power of the darkness flows freely through me! Your stupid little friends are no match for my stupid BIG friends! Ha!

Juggernaut: Hey!

Vincent: And now, sweet Princent, I will use the Staff of Macguffin to draw ALL of your powers into me! Including the powers that should have been mine since birth: Your own! HA-HA-HA-HA-HA-HA!!!

Prince: You won't get away with this Vince! You won't! We'll find a way to stop you! To stop all of this! We might not be able to stop Maleficent, because that it probably going on in some other story somewhere else... but we will find a way to stop you! Because that is our part of this crossover mega-event! 

Vincent: What?

Prince: I mean duty! It's our duty! 

Vincent: Yes... well. You SMELL like doody! So there! 

Leech: Good one boss!

Vincent: And now...

Vincent: Pain.

Prince: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!! (Shortened. You know.)

Lizard: Holee! Did you guys see that???

Blur: Suredidlizardwhatarewegonnadothough?

Flyboy: Blargh! Phhhlllppttthh!!!

Tick-Tick: It's a good thing we all took our time showing up when Petey called, and that we hid behind this conveniently placed VHS tape just before Vincent and his villains arrived! Being reserve members isn't so bad sometimes.

Windy the Raisin: Toot!

Lizard: We gotta get some back up! We gotta help those guys!

Tick-Tick: Do we?

TO BE CONCLUDED AT THE END OF THE TOTAL DARKNESS MEGA EVENT

Will Petey and the gang survive this battle? 

Can Lizard and Tick-Tick rally the troops to save them and stop Vincent?

Will the next part of the story be so god-awfully long? 

Find out when Total Darkness concludes!!!

My thanks to Miss M over at a Diary of a Dorkette for her awesome "All My Toys" storyline! Be sure to check it out over at Diary of a Dorkette!

That's all I've got for tonight kids! We'll be back to regularly scheduled programming next time, and I'll be back with some Geeky Goodwill Goodies soon enough! Until then, Happy Hunting!