Halloween Countdown Day 22: How to Care for Your Monster

As I have done previously this season, tonight I will be featuring a Halloween-themed kids' book that I found at Goodwill. The book I'm featuring this post is Norman Bridwell's How to Care for Your Monster which is by the same author/illustrator of the "Clifford the Big Red Dog" books. 

This is a parody of the "care" guides put out about various different kinds of pets. Bridwell really puts a lot of effort into the text of the book, and goes to TOWN on the proper care and grooming of monsters. 

Where does one go about procuring a monster for a pet? Well... if you're lucky, and your town has a monster store, go there first!

If you DON'T have a convenient monster store around, you may have to get a monster by other means. First off it is important that making a Frankenstein monster is not a DIY endeavor. Ask your friendly, neighborhood Mad Scientist for assistance.

I included this picture because I love the idea of Frankenstein trick-or-treating in this terrifying "The Strangers" style home invasion mask.

To get yourself a Mummy, hire someone who's already desecrating Egyptian crypts and save yourself the trouble.

"No one likes a soggy mummy" indeed! If you need to clean his wrappings don't unwrap him too far! I also have to believe that the mummy on the right side has entombed someone's little sibling and this makes me smile.

The chapter on vampires is similarly entertaining. The method for catching your own vampire seems ridiculously convoluted however.

And the image of this thoroughly perforated family unit gives me the warm fuzzies. I love the fact that the vampire feels the need to salt Dad's neck before tucking in.

I love that if you want a pet werewolf you have to put up with the bald, middle-aged guy for the parts of the month that are NOT the full moon.

"They usually come back from moonlight romps with their clothes all soiled with mud and grass stains and, uh, well... other things." THIS IS MY FAVORITE LINE IN THE WHOLE BOOK!!! Because you know that the "other things" just have to be human viscera.

Above you see examples of well-kept and unkempt monsters, for showing. There are winners and losers for your reference. Don't let your monster be a loser! I love that Loser Frankenstein's Monster has a hand falling off, and that Loser Vampire and Loser Werewolf look like drinking buddies who probably have tiny apartments in the city and only see their kids on the weekends.

Gotta catch 'em all!!!

Happy Monster ownership everyone!

Well, that's all I've got for tonight kiddos! I'll be back soon enough with more Gloomy Goodwill Goodies! Until then, Happy Haunting!